I am blessed. I know this. I have four wonderful children, my oldest has been on her own for many years and lives in Calgary. Now my second child, a son, Isaiah is leaving home. He is off to Newfoundland to be a paramedic. I am excited for him, but my heart seems to be not participating in the process. My baby is leaving home.
I knew when he graduated in January that he would be working in his field. I was ready for him to hit the road. In my mind he would be working in our area and I was ready for him to move a couple of hours away; but 40 hours? Friends seem to think it is about time for him to move on. Isaiah is 22, and no he isn't a baby anymore, he is an adult. Isaiah is engaged to be married in 2012 and we love his fiance. I am just NOT ready for him to move across the country.
My abilities do not extend to my family. I am not able to read or see for them as I do everyone else. I find this sometimes frustrating. Oh I know if they are not telling the truth or if something is up, but it is just the usual mothers instinct. They know that I have an extra meter that flies up if things are not right around them, but I do not have clear vision about their paths and their future.
We are different in nature than animals are when it comes to our young. Bailey's puppies will be leaving in approximately three weeks; she is already at the end of the driveway looking for takers. I can see her with a sign; "here you go and hey its on me, just take them'. Bailey won't even look back. I however will have a hard time with each puppy that leaves, they are my Grand-puppies. I will follow each and every one of their lives, and I know that no matter what, they will always remember me. Bailey I am sure, will walk on the other side of the street and not offer a hello. Its natures way.
I wonder at times why it is so difficult for US to let go.
We wanted to drive out with Isaiah to Newfoundland to make sure everything was perfect for him. We wanted to meet the people he will be staying with and his boss. I get a firm 'NO' from him when I suggest this (and then 'but hey, if you could loan me some money'; with a wink and a grin).
I don't have a sense of panic as my Son leaves, so I know that he will be fine. But again, my heart is not feeling the excitement for his new adventures and my eyes seem to have a huge leaking issue.
I know my Son is coming back in June, but that seems so far away. He puts his hands on his hips and says to me 'what am I going to do about Easter?' I smile, and I suggest that I could mail him a chocolate bunny. He winks and says 'I guess I'll have to hide my own eggs'. It stops my tears for a minute and I laugh. Our banter is what gets us both through the tugging of the heart-strings moments that seem to plague us all right now.
I feel confident that we have given our Son the right tools to 'make it' in the world. I will miss his stories, his humour, how frustrating he can be, his laundry and books all over the place. Yes, yes, yes......... I am crying as I write this.
My Son's life as an adult is beginning. I am proud of the MAN he has become. He has been a volunteer fireman for five years and now he is off to fulfill his dream of being a paramedic. As a family we are no longer his guinea pigs. During training he was forever taking someone's blood pressure, checking our heart beat and his most recently strategy, 'please let me try an IV' . I may be his biggest supporter "not on your life was my laughing reply." This new journey is no easy task; he is brave beyond brave. And the truth is that if he took my heartbeat now, he would understand that it is thumping rather loudly in my chest.
Isaiah and Dad
His brother will miss him they have been inseparable since birth. His younger sister looses a confidant and a protector. My husband will mope around for days because his boy is not here. My oldest daughter, who lives a 40 hour drive away thinks she should have a visit before her brother..... and just being away I know she misses him every day.
Congratulations My Boy!!
I will cry as I watch his tail lights go down the driveway. I can feel his excitement as he begins this new journey. He is like his Mom, and we both love our adventures.
And then there were two............